MG Entry #1 - Race to Butch Cassidy’s Gold

Name: Emily Cushing
Title: RACE TO BUTCH CASSIDY’S GOLD
Genre: MG Mystery Word Count: 45,000

Hook:

Twelve-year-old Maggie McCoy wants to be brave and spontaneous, so when she and her fearless cousin Jake discover clues leading to Butch Cassidy’s gold, she crumples her “to-do” list in favor of adventure. Racing across Utah with their quirky Grandpa Jim is the grand adventure she’s always wanted, until they meet a dangerous thief who will do anything to find the treasure first.

Line:

The light from the evening sun shone through the trees, casting eerie shadows all around them, especially on something lying on the ground thirty feet away.

Sinker:

Twelve seconds until summer vacation. Maggie stared at the classroom clock, counting down the last seconds of sixth grade. Someone in the back of the room began chanting, “Ten, nine, eight—”

Everyone else joined in, “Seven, six—”

Almost time!
Maggie thought, sitting at the edge of her seat.

“Five, four—”

Just a few more seconds.


“THREE, TWO—”

Now!


“ONE!!”

RRRRINGGGG!!
The class erupted into cheers.

Maggie jumped out of her seat, slung her pink backpack over her shoulder, and slipped out the classroom door. As she ran down the school’s rickety old steps, she pulled the “to-do” list she had carefully prepared the night before out of her back pocket.

Five minutes. That’s how long she’d given herself to make it to Slotz Convenience Store. She studied the large crowd in front of her and took a deep breath. She examined her bright green digital watch, pushed the start button, and took off running.

“To your left,” she called, pushing past a circle of fifth grade girls in a group hug. “Coming through.” Maggie sidestepped a large boy picking gum off the bottom of his shoe. “Watch out.” She darted around a curly-haired girl rummaging through her backpack. Just a few more steps and Maggie would bust out of the crowd. She glanced at her watch again. One minute down, four to go. So far, so good. She thought she just might make it in time.

Boy, was she wrong.

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**Please remember, only participating agents should comment on these posts for the duration of the contest. Any other comments, including requests from agents who aren't participating in Hook, Line & Sinker, are welcome AFTER the contest closes at 7pm EDT on Wednesday, October 24th.

2 comments:

  1. I like the suspense and character development. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Y'know what? I like this! I'd love to see more. Please paste into the body of your email: your cover letter, synopsis and first three chapters, and send to: Submissions(at)akaliteraryllc(dot)com. In the subject heading please state: HL&S - Requested by Terrie - with your entry number.

    Many thanks!
    Terrie

    ReplyDelete